Please note that
this post has nothing to do with the owner of this blog and all references to
persons real or fictional is not intentional but pure coincidence. Neither does
the post have any intention to ridicule any religion whatsoever. Do have an
enjoyable read.
I opened my eyes
slowly and the flickering rays of the sun blinded my eyes, the sun was greeting
me and welcoming me to a new day. I
quickly shut my eyes as my senses slowly awakened and I realized it was morning
and the early morning sun was coming in through my window. With a heavy groan I
lifted myself up from bed and drew the curtain against the offending sun that
had disturbed my peaceful sleep with its smiling rays.
The day was
Sunday and usually I don’t have anything to do since I am not a believer of God
even though I had been born in a Christian family and had attended church all
my childhood. But this Sunday was different; I had promised Ezekiel that I was
going to attend his church. Ezekiel was an old school buddy that we had
attended college together some years back; he had been a devoted Christian even
back then but I had always scoffed at his preaching which I considered a mad
man’s tale. Somehow running into him had brought back some good memories of
times shared together despite our differences in faith so I had allowed myself
to be cajoled into attending his church service which to my surprise was not
too far from my Surulere abode.
I smiled
mischievously as I looked at myself in the mirror, it has been years since I
last stepped foot in a church and rather than dread the encounter I was
anticipating it with so much glee. I couldn’t wait to hear the pastor’s sermon
about hell fire and brimstone and smirk at his stupidity. I was sure he was
going to be yarning crap about how sinners were going to burn in hell fire
forever and ever if they didn’t give their life to Jesus Christ. I ran my hand
through my tussled hair, rough from sleep and stepped into the bath gingerly. I
was in no rush to attend the service so I took my time preparing, in all it
took me about two hours to get ready, I had woken up around 7am so it was
around past 9 by now, I sat down in front of the television and watched my
favourite Sunday soap opera for the next thirty minutes before setting
out. I wanted to be late and make sure I
made my presence known; there was no way I was rushing to meet someone’s Jesus,
if their Jesus wants to meet me so badly then he might as well wait for me.
I could hear the
noise from the service a good distance away as the songs bellowed out and the
racketing noise of the instruments made me wonder if those inside weren’t
already deafened by the noise. I mentally asked myself why the government
allowed such noise in the name of religion; if I were president or even
governor I did ban all noise from any religious house and made sure they paid
heavily for it if they disobeyed that law. I entered the building and was
somewhat disappointed when nobody seemed to pay attention to my entrance; they
all seemed to be in ecstasy as they danced with abandon and sang at the top of
their voices. I was mystified; how could people be so gullible, why couldn’t
they just realize that the pastors were just out to swindle them? They would
say anything these idiots want to hear just to make sure that they part with
the supposed ‘tithes and offerings’ while the Moslem folks always collect money
for every prayer. Who the hell believes in such arrant nonsense, believing in
some non-existent supernatural being? Who ever had said religion is the opium
of the people knew what he was talking about.
I shrugged to
myself and consoled myself with the comical sight of a particular fat woman
wriggling her massive weight in tune with the music. I smiled to myself and sat
down refusing to take part in the madness around me and only heaving a sigh of
relief when the commotion ended. I spotted Ezekiel standing close to the
Ministers Corner and I realized he was an usher. Trust old fool Ezekiel to take
active part in church, the real ordeal was about to start. A short bald man
came to the pulpit to preach his nonsense and I relaxed in my seat to listen to
his bullshit…
To be
continued
No comments:
Post a Comment
Don't just read and leave, I would like to hear from you. Do drop your comments and thoughts on the post you just read.