No, I Don't

Her heart was thumping against her chest so loudly she was surprised none of the bridesmaid or the other women around could hear the loud thumping. She looked at the faces of the people milling around her and swallowed resignedly, they didn’t understand her plight. None of them knew of her grief and she could not trust any of them well enough to bare her pain. Even if by chance any of them heard the thumping in her chest, they would probably mistake it as nervousness or excitement on her ‘big day.’ Who wouldn’t think that? It was after all her wedding and she was supposed to be the happiest woman in the world right then but she felt anything but that; far from it.

Shade rubbed her hands together to steady her nerves in anticipation of that walk down the aisle and the big decision she was about to make. Whatever she did today was forever going to change the course of her life and she was so not ready to make that decision just yet. She stared at her reflection in the mirror with guarded disinterest as the bridal make-up team did their thing to her, expertly fixing her hair, a tug here at her flawless and ridiculously expensive wedding gown and a pull there to smoothen some stubborn wrinkle and a flick to get rid of any lint. Suddenly her mother’s sister, Mama Bisi burst into the room to announce that it was time. Shade swallowed the lump that suddenly developed in her throat and tears welled up in her eyes. The woman who had acted as her mother since the death of her own mother when she had just been nine hugged her gently and squeezed her shoulder to offer comfort. The other women smiled kindly at her while her friends chirped gaily. Shade bit down hard on her lips as she tried to calm herself down; her tears weren’t what they thought it was but in this she was alone. Right then the meaning of the popular saying that ‘alone in a crowd’ made all the sense in the world to her. 

Being the only daughter of one of the wealthiest men in the country was her plague. Although it was supposed to be a life of luxury and contentment, a life most would give an arm for, Shade would rather trade places with the lowliest of beggars right then and there. Her best friend Lola who was acting as her chief bridesmaid tapped her shoulder to draw her out of her reverie and she saw the impatience on her face. With a final look around the dressing room, she allowed herself to be led away like a lamb to the slaughter. But it was time to show that she wasn’t a docile lamb no more.

Her father Chief Olusegun Sukungbade was waiting at the entrance of the church, his regal bearing hard to miss among the many bodyguards that surrounded him. He flashed a rare smile at her as he took her hand and they began that walk down to the aisle; for her it was her long walk to freedom. She stiffened her spine and looked straight ahead at her husband-to-be Tunde Fasan, the perfect husband material. Young, handsome and successful, he was who had been chosen for her to further grow her father’s conglomerate. How she hated him so! The slimy slinky bastard! The devil that had taken her virginity forcibly when she was just eighteen and now eight years later, they all expected her to marry him. Her father had turned deaf ears to her appeal and cries and in the end it all had to come to this. She had thought she could do it but there was just too much resentment in her to let go, moreover it was time to let her father know that he had put her past the breaking point. For too long she had allowed him control her to make him happy but it was time to stand up for herself and damn the consequences. How she loathed him too, a man that would allow a rapist marry his daughter just because of business, turning a blind eye to the grievious crime against her person.

The church rites began and she fidgeted as they got closer to the moment, her moment. Then it came, the pastor asked if she took Tunde as her husband and in a loud, clear voice that resonanted strength she said “No, I don’t!” There were loud gasps and cries from the multitude of people that had come to celebrate the union. The pastor was flabbergasted and stuttered for a second time his question with hopes that she might have misheard him. With a confiedence that surprised her as well, Shade replied again in the negative and without waiting for another second, she threw off her veil and began walking back the way she had come, out of the church. Her father shouted after her but she was done listening to him, she was more than what he made of her. Mama Bisi tore away from the crowd and rushed at her imploringly but Shade brushed her aside, an action that almost broke her heart. Then it happened, the shot rang out loud and clear, breaking through the din of noise. A sharp burning pain course through her as she fell to the ground in a heap of snow white wedding gown. She struggled to stand and saw her father holding the gun, a white rage of fury blazing in him. The darkness swept in and like a mother’s touch caressed her, and she heard a voice whispering “Are you ready to go home?” In a feeble voice she replied “No I don’t.” and then the darkness took over.

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